XLV.

from expenditure without recompense by animalpsychiatrist

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lyrics

I feel like adulthood is all about filling pockets with things and
I prefer them to be empty.
when I was a kid, I never had shit in my pockets.
a lot of the time I didn’t have pockets at all
because they were useless to me back then!
I didn’t need a drivers license for my bicycle
or a frequent shopper card for the grocery store
or a phone to call my friends,
because if they wanted to hang out they just came over,
slammed their fist against my door,
and asked if I could come out and play.

Walking today I felt some loose pennies in my back pocket,
and instead of tossing them in the trash where they’d be of no use to anyone,
I tossed them onto the ground
in hopes of them landing heads up
to change the luck of someone far more superstitious than me.

One halloween, when I was far too old to be trick-or-treating
I accidently stepped on a dead animal on the side of the road.
Actually, it was fall, so it could have been leaves,
but it felt like a dead animal.
I couldn’t bring myself to look to confirm.
it was like the dead animal became attached to my shoe, and
i shivered and nearly gagged, silently, for the rest of the night.
have any of you ever stepped in something dead?

It reminds me of this short story I read
about this man who walks through the woods
and comes across a horse than is either sleeping or dead
and instead of waiting to see which one is truth
he walks away.
the unexpected tension that arises from absent-mindedly moving on
gnaws at his existence.
so he retraces his steps
day in and day out
but has no luck.
eventually, maybe, he burns his house down
with his family in it.
dead leaves or dead animal,
I stepped in it.